Do you REACT or RESPOND?

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Ben Turshen taught me that these deceptively similar words manifest quite differently in our life experiences.

The word reaction generally has an unfavorable connotation. When my mom nags me (out of love, naturally) and I snap back at her, I call it an overreaction. When my student throws a chair and my heart starts racing, I call it a stress reaction. And if your skin develops a rash after your dermatologist prescribes new medication, she would call it an adverse reaction to the drug.

The word response, on the other hand, connotes an action that is both appropriate and in alignment with a given demand. When my mom nags me and I take a deep breath before thanking her for the reminder, I call this a positive response. When my student throws a chair and I calmly escort him out of the room, I call it a level-headed response. And if your skin clears up after your dermatologist prescribes new medication, she would say you're respondingwell to the drug.

Meditation allows us to react less and respond more by dissolving stress. When we react, it happens before we have a chance to decide how to best meet a given demand. This is because we're stressed and lack the clarity to respond optimally. Furthermore, we accumulate more stress in the body each day if we don't do something to combat it. Each time we meditate, we release stress and increase mental functioning, which allows us to make better choices in demanding situations. We are able to pause and respond elegantly to whatever comes our way. And when we meditate regularly, the stress we release doesn't come back. If you struggle with stress and knee-jerk reactions, you owe it to yourself (and the people in your life) to increase your responding capacity.

Your happiness is NOT...

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

On the other side of any person, place, or thing, period. Not the promotion, the apartment, the vacation, or any of it. We all know this intellectually - we've seen marriages fail despite picture-perfect weddings and celebrities self-destruct despite dream careers. But somehow, we continue to seek fulfillment outside of ourselves, whether it's a little pick-me-up (yet another pair of shoes) or a milestone goal (house, spouse). 

I'm not claiming that external sources can't inspire or uplift us - a new tube of lipstick does make me feel good, and I collect inspirational quotes because they do help me. Things like spouses and houses can certainly be sources of tremendous joy. But to guarantee deep, lasting fulfillment is an inside job.

When we meditate, our active thinking mind dissolves into its least excited state, which is pure awareness or simply being with no interference. In this state, the mind can't conceive of a thought or idea to make it happier than it is at that very moment, so it falls silent.

This state of fulfillment is our true nature, and we can access it daily with a simple technique.

Let me get real (and a bit morbid) for a moment. I've felt a lot of fear in my life about losing loved ones and I know I'm not alone. To some degree, we all believe it would be impossible to feel happy again if we lost our mom/brother/boyfriend/fill-in-the-blank. "If I lost him, I literally wouldn't know who I was," my friend recently confided. But when we give credence to this fear, we feel compelled to control and stay safe when control and safety are an illusion. Nothing is guaranteed in this life except the fulfillment that can be unlocked within each of us, and we all deserve the key.

WTF is meditation, and is it for you?

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

These days, the word "meditation" is about as specific as the word "exercise." In a world where it's becoming increasingly cool to meditate, people often say that running or praying or tea or coloring is "their way of meditating." Although these pursuits are valuable, they are not meditation because they don't allow the body to rest deeply, completely transcend thought, and remove stress (rather than temporarily relieve it).

When used correctly, the word meditation generally means sitting quietly with the eyes closed. How long you choose to stay there and what you do with your mind are where things get interesting. 

There are many ways to meditate, and virtually all of them are designed to promote physical health, mental health, and the holy grail - happiness. I can't personally vouch for most techniques - the first one I tried was Vedic Meditation, and the results were so profound that I haven't stopped. 

With so many people dabbling in meditation and singing its praises, it's hard to believe it could be truly life-changing. People's engagement with meditation and their subsequent results are all over the map, which makes things even more confusing. But I can say confidently that committing to a daily practice after learning from a qualified teacher will not just yield some cool benefits, it is powerful enough to change your entire approach to life. 

So, should you do it? Ask yourself this:

Do you enjoy relaxing? Do you enjoy releasing dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins? Do you enjoy being productive? Do you enjoy feeling creative and inspired? Do you enjoy bringing fulfillment to others? Do you enjoy feeling at home in your own body?

Do you enjoy liking yourself?

I could go on, but if yes, there's your answer.

Short on time? Maybe not.

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

No one starts meditating because they have 40 extra minutes in the day, am I right? We seek meditation because we want to thrive in our busy lives.  So many people wish to establish a regular habit (of exercising, cooking, meditating, whatever) but feel like they simply can't fit it in. If this is you, I would argue that you probably do have the time, but you may not be using it as well as you could. This is not your fault - life is demanding! But you're responsible for taking action if you feel dissatisfied, and meditation gives you the energy to use your time optimally. It allows you to get more done and focus on activities that truly make you happy.

When we get home from a long day at work, all we want is to do nothing at all. Before I started meditating, this was my daily experience. When I walked through the door after hours of wrangling five-year-olds, all I could conceive of was putting on sweatpants and vegging out. The idea of doing ONE MORE productive thing with my day was just too much. As someone who gets zero alone time at work, I couldn't wait to hit the couch and stare at a screen, because it allowed me to check out and be selfish for a few precious minutes. But when I ultimately got bored of the screen, I hadn't regained any energy. I felt drained, lazy, and ready to call it a night. If a friend wanted to meet for dinner or hit up a workout class in my pre-meditation life, I was either "too busy" or "too tired." Having fun on a weeknight was out of the question.

But here's the truth: when I claimed I "didn't have time" to cook, work out, or see friends, the reality was I didn't feel like it because I had no effective means of restoring the energy that I had expended. I was usually free between 7 and 9 pm, but I wanted to spend it horizontally. There's nothing wrong with staying in to watch TV, but I'm not willing to accept a life in which I'm so depleted that my go-to leisure activity is doing nothing. When I'm using my free time to numb out by watching Bravo and stalking Kylie Jenner on Instagram (love her sneaker game though), I'm NOT using that time to explore my neighborhood, cultivate a friendship, or create something beautiful.

Meditating after work allows me to have a life outside of it. When we practice Vedic meditation, we give our bodies deep rest that is about 5 times more powerful than sleep. Even on days when I start my meditation feeling drained or defeated, I finish with a fresh supply of energy. My workday is completely behind me and the evening becomes a clean slate that I can fully enjoy. 

And you know what the best, most ironic part is? I used to think I didn't have time to meditate, but meditation gives me the same experience of "doing nothing" that I used to seek through mindless eating or television. Even better, meditation allows me to LITERALLY do nothing and come out feeling like a million bucks on the other side. When I finish a Making a Murderer binge-watching session, my stress is still there and I'm ready for a nap. When I finish a meditation session, I have less stress and more energy. There will always be a place in my life for television and snacks, but I no longer turn to them when I'm stressed.

So that all-too-common problem of not having time or energy to do things? It doesn't have to exist. Meditation takes time out of your day, but you get it all back because you no longer spend time numbing out to relieve stress (unsuccessfully) or trying and failing to effectively multitask. When we take time to meditate regularly, we go about our days with purpose and clarity. We make better decisions about what really needs to be done so we can simply focus, do it, and move on. As a result, we no longer feel like there are "not enough hours in the day." We ultimately end up with more time and energy to do whatever we want - which may in fact be crushing snacks in front of the TV - but we are able to fully enjoy whatever we choose guilt-free. 

Related bonus: The more we practice meditation, the less sleep we need, which also allows us to get more done. I've got a post about this brewing, but in the meantime I hope this inspires you to do nothing so you can accomplish more.

CONSIDER THIS: How much time do you spend decompressing each day? Do your current ways of decompressing give you energy or make you more tired? What if you had the time and energy to do what truly brings you joy? How would you use it?

Spring Cleaning Your Mind

By Ben Turshen. 

It's that time of year. Spring cleaning. Time to donate that third and fourth pair of gray New Balance sneakers. Time to dispose of all the expired medications taking up room in the cabinet above your bathroom sink. Time to go through your closet, your dresser, the bins underneath your bed and get rid of all the "stuff" that is now irrelevant and redundant.

What if you could declutter your mind like you declutter your home? When you practice Vedic Meditation that is exactly what happens.

Without focus or concentration, your awareness settles down to experience a unique state of restful alertness, an inner wakefulness beyond thought. The state of going beyond thought, or transcendence, that is provided by the Vedic Meditation technique allows a direct experience of your most essential self, of the “you” that lies beyond all your thoughts and stress and struggles.

The result of having this experience is more clarity and less "stuff" pulling you away from what is happening, right here, right now. 

Do you work out?

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Funnily enough, I don't.  This may change some day, but that's besides the point.

If you're wondering whether meditation is worth your time, ask yourself whether or not you exercise, get your teeth cleaned, or wash your hair regularly. If the answer is yes, you must care to some degree about your physical health and well-being. Youth reigns supreme these days and we tend to worry about "letting ourselves go." We want to keep our bodies toned, wrinkle-free, and devoid of gray hairs. I am no exception, although I would like to stress less about aging and this post from one of my favorite blogs is super inspiring... but I digress.  You value your body and want it to feel good because you absolutely deserve it.

Consider the following, though: if your body is your temple, your mind is the altar.  

If we invest in the upkeep of our various body parts, our brains should get top priority too. When we meditate, we give our bodies deep rest and stress is pushed up and out. Furthermore, our brain waves actually change in significant, health-promoting ways. We generate more alpha waves, which are associated with mental clarity and relaxation. We also achieve greater brain wave coherence, which means the waves from different parts of the brain occur in step with one another. Studies show that brain wave coherence is correlated with high levels of intelligence and competence. When the brain waves of top-level managers were compared with those of workers with no leadership responsibilities, the managers showed greater brain wave coherence. The same results occurred when top-level athletes were compared with their less successful competitors. This is no coincidence and I encourage curious readers to check out "Transcendence" by Norman E. Rosenthal.

If you want to feel and perform at 100%, neglecting your mind is not an option. It may not be mainstream to "work out" your brain, but it deserves the same care and attention as the rest of your body. Our superficial society tends to qualify health with aesthetic traits, but anyone who has suffered mentally knows that health goes far beyond strength or appearance.Your body is your instrument, but you need your brain to make music. With that said, two cheesy metaphors are more than enough for one post. I hope these ideas have inspired you to give your mind some love because you deserve it!

CONSIDER THIS: Your brain needs just as much TLC as the rest of your body, if not more. Remember this the next time you get a physical, during which the doctor is most definitely not checking your brain. For now, that remains your responsibility, and meditation makes it easy.

The two reasons we meditate

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

On a recent episode of the Untangle podcast, Susan Piver shared that most of us try meditation for one of two reasons.

Reason 1: We want to make life more bearable.

Insomnia, anxiety, depression, and other chronic disorders are all too common. Furthermore, cancer and other debilitating diseases continue to affect millions despite medical progress. People whose mental or physical struggles impact their daily life are seeking meditation and, amazingly, finding relief.

Reason 2: We crave a deeper meaning of life.

"What is the meaning of life?" This question is easy to dismiss because of how trite it has become, but many of us grapple intensely with why we are here. I've always been existential and this perspective has intensified with age. I am easily beaten down by adversity and can easily slip into an attitude of "We live in a broken world, so what exactly is the point?" Meditation has helped me feel at peace with my existence on Earth and inspired to deliver fulfillment to others. I take a secular approach to meditation, but the practice has given me the inner peace and compassionate worldview that many people seek through religion.

Your motivation to meditate probably boils down to one of the two reasons above. But meditation offers a delightful bonus gift: those who choose Reason 1 will usually find that the practice raises their level of consciousness in addition to making life more physically or mentally bearable, and vice versa. We all begin meditating for different reasons, but gradually the benefits we experience begin to converge in an undeniable way. When you give your body deep rest, everything uplevels and it is truly beautiful to witness.

CONSIDER THIS:  Do you identify more with Reason 1 or Reason 2? How might the other reason also manifest in your life with a steady meditation practice?

Find the new now.

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Sometimes, things get heated with my darling husband. Usually, this looks like me yelling and/or crying while he expresses an endearing combination of caring and bewilderment. Before I started meditating, our arguments would "end" with him feeling peaceful and ready to move on, and me wallowing in bed feeling teary and unsettled for the rest of the afternoon. "How can you just get over this and be cheerful right away?" I would ask. "We were just yelling at each other a few minutes ago. I'm not mad anymore, but I need to process and recover from this."

I thought I was a sensitive, delicate flower who needed time to emotionally heal after conflict. The truth is, I wasn't allowing myself to acknowledge the root of our arguments, which often stem from my own insecurities, so I couldn't move on with my day after the conflict had technically been "resolved." In the words of Brene Brown, I was operating from a place of shame, and meditating has helped me let go of that shame and be vulnerable in difficult moments.

Meditation is not a panacea, and it does not produce blissed-out hippies who float above the real world and its problems. Because I meditate, I do feel blissed out a lot of the time and my problems are more manageable, but I still battle inner demons and make poor choices. The difference is I feel things fully now and can move through them quickly. I am able to be vulnerable, admit what's really going on, and find the new now.  

How does meditation facilitate this? Each time we meditate, we chip away at the "I suck" voice that tends to sneak up on us when we get quiet. When we sit and surrender to whatever our mind wants to think, we stop judging what comes up and eventually stop judging ourselves when we're not meditating (ie. in daily life). Before meditation, I would push away ugly thoughts by turning on the TV, eating when I wasn't hungry, or blaming others. Those things still happen sometimes, but now I'm able to catch them quickly, course-correct, and acknowledge the root of what I'm feeling so I can move on.

CONSIDER THIS: What unconscious habits do you employ to push away the "I suck" voice?What might it be like to feel difficult feelings without judgment, so you can move on to the new now?

FOMO is no mo.

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Truth time: Fear Of Missing Out does not have to be a thing. Before meditation, I was an introvert who joked about about my extreme homebody tendencies while secretly feeling like it wasn't funny at all. When social plans arose, I always preferred to stay home and recharge my batteries and often used my "draining teaching job" as an excuse. But while a part of me was thrilled to post up on the couch, I also felt guilty and self-critical for not wanting to be social. Why can't I be a normal, social human being?  I'd ask myself.  What if everyone out in the world is becoming BFFs without me? I truly believed that I sucked at having fun and no one liked me because of it. I didn't want to engage socially because I felt like a failure at it.

After I started meditating and my body began to shed layers of stress and self-loathing, I learned the following lessons:

1. My relationships will grow if I tend to them regularly and genuinely love them.  Just like plants. No matter what, no fear needed.  

2. My true nature is bliss (aka happiness, rainbows, and that floating-on-air feeling that we chase with psychoactive drugs), and within me lies an innate capability to be and have fun. I do not, in fact, suck at having fun. When I rid my body of stress by meditating twice a day, I can access that bliss more easily. I have more positive (dare I say fun?) experiences when I work and socialize with others. Best of all, I can keep up with my friends (and my hip-shaking husband) on the dance floor now, and it used to be a struggle just to uncross my arms! 

3. I'll never feel FOMO if I trust my intuition. Meditating helps me hear my intuition, that place in my gut or heart that speaks before my brain has a chance to deliberate or justify. When I do this, I make choices with ease. I simply ask, "Does this feel charming to me or not?" and I listen to what immediately comes up. If my heart says yes, I go for it. If my heart says no, and my brain begins searching for reasons why I SHOULD do this thing (everyone else is doing it, my friends will have fun without me, I don't want to look rude), I opt out. In the words of Danielle Laporte, your feelings are the sign you've been looking for. Even if a situation demands that you consider more than just your feelings, consider them all the same. When you opt out of something that doesn't feel good (despite what your brain, your friends, or your mom say), FOMO stays away because you'll end up doing something that feels charming to you instead.

So what does this all mean? Meditate regularly and observe as FOMO and your inner critic are replaced by a powerful intuition that makes decisions easy.

How do you meditate?

By Arden Martin. Originally posted on ardenmeditates.com

Much like green juice, meditation is undeniably cool right now. However, much like green juice, it can also be super confusing.  

Green juice confusion: Should I replace meals with this? Am I supposed to put kale in this, even if it tastes like weed(s)? Does my body actually absorb this shit?

Meditation confusion:  Should I replace meals with this? Am I supposed to say "om" even if it feels ridiculous? Does my body actually absorb this shit?

I don't actually drink green juice, but I do meditate twice a day, and I felt utterly confused about what to do at first. I knew it was supposed to be healthy and cool, but how to make it happen was a mystery. If you feel curious but confused about meditation, here are a few popular types, including my technique of choice.

GUIDED MEDITATION: This is when you listen as a soothing voice, live or recorded, guides you through some imagery. You will likely be led through a forest or beach-like scene. For whatever reason, these meditations often involve some sort of "white light." I find them ultimately disappointing because when they're over, so is your mental vacation. They're restful while they're happening, but the effect doesn't last. Might as well take a nap.

FOCUS MEDITATION (just the name sounds like hard work):  This is when you choose something specific to focus on for a period of time - a mental image, the smell of incense, or the sound of a metronome. This focus is intended to bring your mind to a quiet, settled state, but achieving this state requires a fair amount of effort.

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION:  This type of meditation also involves noticing things while you sit - your thoughts, your breath, etc. - and continually bringing your mind back to the breath when it wanders. Mindfulness also refers to the act of bringing awareness to whatever you're doing (walking, eating, taking a shower). If you're washing dishes, you focus on the feeling of the soap on your hands, the smell of the soap, and the cool rush of water. I believe that mindfulness practices have unique value, but they also require a degree of effort and discipline. Luckily, increased mindfulness is an automatic benefit of my favorite technique, the virtues of which are extolled below.

To be clear, the meditation techniques I have just described may work for you. They can absolutely provide an enjoyable and beneficial experience, but they require you to monitor your mind's activity. This requires mental effort, and it's hard to relax when you're exerting effort. If you're a busy person, you're not going to make time for meditation that feels like work. I personally believe this is why many meditation-curious people don't end up sticking with a practice or, in turn, experiencing real benefits.

Thankfully, VEDIC MEDITATION is a technique that allows you to surrender to wherever your mind takes you and completely transcend thought with zero effort. There is no trying or focusing involved, and your body enjoys rest that is 5 times more powerful than sleep.

I've never stuck with any long-term habits of eating, exercise, or otherwise, but Vedic Meditation is my exception. I will do it twice daily for the rest of my life, and I would not accept ANY amount of money to go back to my pre-VM self. This may sound dogmatic at first, but VM is simply an effortless mental technique that rids your body of a bit more stress each time you do it. It is easy and enjoyable to practice, and it dramatically improves the quality of the 23 hours you spend NOT meditating each day. 

Curious? My awesome teacher Ben Turshen describes Vedic Meditation here.